Usually when I do masturbate its 3-4 times a day. It doesn’t feel good at all. Because of my social anxiety, I am still a virgin. Although its not healthy, this masturbation addiction is my only outlet for my sexuality. I still have a lot of shame about this addiction, which is why I’m using the pseudonym “Rad” for now.
Doing research on overmasturbation and some threads on RSDnation.com I found that it can really make you emotionally numb because it screws with the dopamine/seratonin levels in the brain, which contributes to my depression.
The reason why I masturbate is to cover up feelings of overwhelming panic and anxiety. I’m so afraid of what might happen in the future, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do after I graduate from college. Addiction is always covering up some kind of negative emotion.
This is not a sob story, this is just a general assessment of my addiction, this is ground zero. Now is my time to take control of my life, stop being a victim of my addiction. This is my process of healing, of being authentic on this blog, sharing my truth with the world.
Even though I have this addiction, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Visit my blog at www.intimacywithfear.com