Ground Zero
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Usually when I do masturbate its 3-4 times a day. It doesn’t feel good at all. Because of my social anxiety, I am still a virgin. Although its not healthy, this masturbation addiction is my only outlet for my sexuality. I still have a lot of shame about this addiction, which is why I’m using the pseudonym “Rad” for now. Doing research on overmasturbation and some threads on RSDnation.com I found that it can really make you emotionally numb because it screws with the dopamine/seratonin levels in the brain, which contributes to my depression. The reason why I masturbate is to cover up feelings of overwhelming panic and anxiety. I’m so afraid of what might happen in the future, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do after I graduate from college. Addiction is always covering up some kind of negative emotion. This is not a sob story, this is just a general assessment of my addiction, this is ground zero. Now is my time to take control of my life, stop being a victim of my addiction. This is my process of healing, of being authentic on this blog, sharing my truth with the world. Even though I have this addiction, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Visit my blog at www.intimacywithfear.com
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Erika Awakening
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Rad, I’m so very impressed with the courage that you have shown in presenting your issue in such a vulnerable way on a public forum as this. I too hope that it will provide you and all others who are suffering with this dilemma between anxiety and numbing euphoria. As with all addictive processes, the avoidance of pain is at the root. I believe the work that I’m doing assists effectively in discovering pain at a subconscious level and dealing effectively with it. I hope you will visit my site and comment.
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