Slipping Off The Road

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I was tempted to feel guilty and frustrated.

Then I realized this is the same old pattern I’ve been repeating the past 6 years. Beating myself up after failing doesn’t work. It’s insane. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

When I give into my addiction, from now on, I’ll try to put it behind me as quickly as possible. Staying stuck in the past doesn’t help the addiction. IT MAKES IT WORSE.

So the question iswhat’s the best action to take after I slip off the road to recovery and end up giving in?

The answer is to just stay present, meditate and ask yourself why it happened. For me its because it’s the ego’s way of numbing this huge wave of anxiety and fear. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen tomorrow. I have so much fear, so much worry about my financial future. What the fuck am I going to do after I graduate college? How am I going to support myself?

I’m back on my game, meditating, staying super focused. Trying to put an end to the old way of doing it: being stuck in the past, beating myself up over mistakes and being a perfectionist.